Because I think it's important to talk about things openly and honestly and not to sugar coat life events that represent the valleys, I will add that I have been in the midst of a severe and deep depression as a result of these health issues. As difficult as it is to get myself out of bed, especially when I am tired and not receiving enough or proper nutrition, I understand how important it is to take responsibility for your health. Although the mere idea of taking even more pills in and of itself is depressing, I do take medications for depression in the hopes that it will at least offset some of my hopelessness. If I had more energy, this whole thing would no doubt prompt me to go off on a diatribe about western medicine and how we treat symptoms instead of causes. The most salient thing I have learned from all this is just how little doctors really seem to know or understand. I have learned to do the research myself, be demanding as hard as that is when you feel too tired to fight, and go elsewhere if you aren't getting the attention or answers you need. I can honestly say if it weren't for my animals, I don't think I would get out of bed every day right now. They keep me alive.
With that said, we will proceed with what's been going on in spite of my health. Spartacus has been gaining weight with his special kidney diet. In addition I give him his fluids at home twice a week. He has been adjusting to the rest of the farm and gets along well with all although PB is still a bit obsessed as he once was with Hook. Witness:
The standoff. Periodically Spartacus will hiss and growl for good measure though PB never goes closer.
Lola has been digging up the entire tunnel system of my resident mole, leaving large portions of the yard "aerated" so to speak. Ears fly as she digs:
Jamming her nose into the hole up to her eyeballs just to be sure the mole isn't still there.
Meanwhile, Hook and Stabby have become very bonded and are almost always together.
Clear, cold nights with snowy mountains out my kitchen window.
The day view. The ground has not thawed for days now, postponing my already late garlic planting.
Lola and Baby are fascinated with the ice on our ponds. They skate around on it with legs going every which way.
The living room benefited from the addition of my grandfather's leather sofa, making it more liveable and inviting though a bit mismatched.
Back in fall, my mom and I went antique shopping in Snohomish. We found this fabulous old chicken coop built in 1880 in Nebraska. Needless to say, I had to have it.
A Christmas gift from my parents; a reminder of Africa.
Another parental gift. What I call The Fireplace Package. My contractor built a slate hearth pad, we had the chimney cleaned and the woodstove reinstalled just in time for cold winter weather.
The upside to having to take a lot of sick days and being too exhausted to do much of anything except the necessities is that I lie in bed reading obsessively. Because of, or perhaps in spite of, all my food related problems, I have been on a healthy food raising quest and reading appropriately. The first book was this Barbara Kingsolver book:
This was an excellent, very inspiring book on the feasibility of raising your own food, both meat, fruits and veggies, and buying locally what you can't provide for yourself. In addition to the practical advice of raising your own food, there are a number of excellent recipes and meal plans that convinced me that I too, can devote myself more to food and providing for myself without buying tasteless, imported, factory produced food. That inspired the next purchase:
This book was recommended to me by my friend Kristin. I have read it cover to cover and it's an excellent, basic month by month guide to organic gardening in the Pacific Northwest. It resulted inadding making my own compost and using a worm bin to my list. Once finished with this book, I moved on to:
This is my new obsession. I have actually now read several books on beekeeping and it's a fascinating art. At first I was interested in providing myself with my own honey which I use for a number of varied purposes. After reading further, I realize they will be of huge benefit to my organic gardening. I suppose this goes without saying but I was distracted by the idea of honey and beeswax at first! I have now moved on to:
I read Pollan's later book, In Defense of Food and have now backtracked to this more well known work. I am not too far into it yet but I am already disturbed by what I have read, much along the lines of Animal Vegetable Miracle. In short, we manufacture food, we don't grow it. I realize that rather than dreading the daily question of "what shall I make for dinner today?" (usually followed by a long suffering sigh), I should devote a large part of my time to food, the growing of it, the preparing of it and truly enjoying it.
My first task was to re-sign up for a CSA otherwise known as Community Supported Agriculture which provides a fresh box of in season, locally, organically grown veggies every two weeks. My local one is Full Circle Farm whom I have used before. The other alternative is to find a farmer's market that is open at this time of the year to supply me with meats that are truly free range, grass fed and finished or a combination of both until I am able to produce my fruits and veggies this summer. Thus my new project is launched. Having something to focus on and a goal to aim for is doubly important for me right now because it alleviates some of my depression and gives me hope that at some point in the future, I won't be afraid to eat as I am now because of the pain and nausea that come with it. That is the light at the end of my tunnel.
