T Touch

In our case, Theoretical Touch instead of Tellington Touch as our practitioner never got to touch the handsome boy! Took baby over to the Phinney Ridge area to meet Lori who came highly recommended for her T Touch work. It's hard to explain what T Touch is - better to send you to the website. I admit that the rational/scientific side of me questions some of this stuff. But when you are desperate and there's enough word of mouth praise from so many sources, you don't dismiss something outright. So I yielded to empiricism in this case. Kept this photo in my head to caaaalm myself at the thought that he might really lose it in a weird back yard in downtown Seattle:

Hard to see but yes, those are real elephants on a real African savannah. Ok, so I wasn't entirely calm then either as they like to charge (which is why they look like the size of a pin head) but viewed from the safety of my mind, very effective!

To skip right to the chase, I was pretty impressed when all was said and done. At first Baby would not even approach Lori's house. He panicked and ran for the car almost as soon as he was out which I expected. Having Lori "shepherd" him away from the car towards her house worked perfectly. In order to get away from her, he made a bee line for her back yard which is where we decided we would do our work. Once back there, she observed and watched him. It is such a relief for me to be around people who already know what needs to be done and how to carry oneself around a dog like him. Her lack of fear and her innate understanding of his behavior saves me trying to give a brief lesson in 5 minutes on how to act while assuring someone I won't let anything happen. And my lessons are still fumbling anyway as I am still learning all this.

That would be me in Jaipur, India failing to learn my lesson about a) sitting on the ground which isn't entirely sanitary and b) sitting that close to a cobra. Yes, Baby, I know how hard it is to learn sometimes when you're distracted by something else!

Once in the backyard, we went through the usual series of barks and growls. Lori gave me a great demonstration of counterconditioning and desensitizing. It sounds so easy when you read it in the books but to do it definitively and so there is no question in the animal's mind is an art form. As per his usual, Baby's natural curiosity won out and he quickly came closer and closer for treats thrown to him from Lori. By closer I mean within 15 feet!

The biggest lesson I learned out of this phase was how much I tend to coddle him though I have been misled (by my own wishful thinking!) into believing I have been neutral. Baby went from standing behind me, to leaning against me, to holding a paw up to me to finally, in all desperation, trying his "high 10" trick on my back to get me to lavish comfort and attention on him. Lori told me not to look at him, touch him or speak to him. She wanted absolute neutrality so no punishment (of course), verbal correction etc, but rather just ignoring that behavior completely. It is really hard to ignore your desperate, scared dog when they are begging for your attention by tugging on the folds of your skirt, so to speak. I had a hard time with this and I had no idea the extent to which I have been reinforcing his behavior. I have made him far more dependent on me in these situations than he was to start with, hence his new resource guarding of me.


Adrian, my erstwhile travelling companion, resource guarding his wine in a plastic cup. He looks happy and relaxed but don't take that wine away or he will become vicious!

Lori then had me put a long line on his collar. We tried the wand but as I predicted, the sight of that thing anywhere near his body sent his stress level into orbit. With line on, she worked with him through the line, slowly moving her hands down the line and back towards her in a constant motion as though she were pulling the line to her with both hands but not actually moving it. This is where I had to give in to the effectiveness of T Touch...he began walking towards her as though she really were pulling the line until he was standing next to her. That may sound laughable to those who have a dog like Hudson for example, who can't get close enough to people but it is a huge step for a dog like Baby, especially in that amount of time.

She continued tossing treats when he looked at her calmly and with no barking or growling. When he did bark and growl, treats went into the treat void and were lost to him momentarily. Once done with the line work, she showed me a basic wrap using an ace bandage that she'd like me to work with to increase his body awareness. She also showed me some basic T Touches for his ears, mouth and tail. More information to assimilate - I think I am full!

So far, he is having none of the ear touch. He does like his ears massaged but not in the specific way Lori would like me to do so we work on it for literally seconds at a time before we quit and give it a break. All in all, well worth the time and experimentation. And now I will go back to another of my calm, happy places :)


Dharamsala, the Tibetan capital in exile high in the Himalaya.

The white one loves to rest his chin on something and here he is, keeping an eye on the yard while getting up close and personal with the deck stairs. Sorry for the poor quality of the photo - I have to sneak up on him and take it through the slider otherwise he will turn tail and run at the thought of that weird silver thing in my hand. Kind of like this:

That would be the hairy eyeball (as well as more poor photography on my part). Yes, I have stopped tormenting my dog and he is sleeping outside now.

One of the things I have learned and which has become my mantra for now, is that he is Just A Dog. That doesn't mean he is lesser than he used to be for me, nor that I don't still lavish attention, money and love on him. But sometimes I am lulled into a feeling that he is a fur lined human which is a frequent chastisement in all my books and research. I feel like I must keep him occupied all the time, mentally stimulated, active etc. as one would a child. I sometimes forget he is just a dog and he is happy lying around doing nothing. It reminds me I am not at his beck and call and sometimes I am too busy to open that damn doggie door he still won't go through on his own! (And no, treats, being left outside til he gathers the courage, clicker training etc. have had no effect. I think it's another time thing. And yes, I have become a well trained door [wo]man) These boundaries have made us both more confident and secure in the great food chain of dog ownership.

Another thing I've learned is that Baby is so sensitive to my every thought and feeling that if I am upset, worried, nervous about what he might do, or conversely calm, cool and collected, he immediately takes on my mood and reacts accordingly. It's really hard not to be worried when your dog is emitting a low growl at someone...especially when he is a huge white dog! This has led me back into yoga and making sure I run or exercise every day. It goes a long way towards making me calmer, more able to control my own emotions and be the benevolent leader he so desperately needs.

A view to the world from my yoga studio. Don't you feel calmer and more centered already? Me neither. It really does take the full 90 minutes to feel better. How irritating.

Most of the initial honeymoon period was fueled by my obliviousness. I was so happy to have him after so long, so enthralled with him and so blind to his behaviors that I was naively calm and settled. However, once he began his antisocial behavior, my own behavior mirrored his and round and round we went. Now I am working on breaking the cycle and making it a linear one. His mood follows mine and mine must be Buddhist in its calm compassion. That dog is like meditation and if anyone has ever tried to clear their mind of all the stuff you have to do once that meditation session is over, you know how hard it is!

A friend gave me two Cesar Millan books to read, insisting he would save my dog. I read one and was quite horrified by much of it. I will not be applying those principles to my dog. I am beginning to develop enough confidence and knowledge to put together all I have read and decide what I want to take and apply and what to discard. Cesar was discarded. Even though I don't always agree with some of what I read, I must thank all those who have sent me inspirational stories, blogs, articles etc. about impossible dogs who have either overcome their beginnings or lived full lives being "managed". It is an isolating place to be in when you can't take your dog out in any kind of public arena, can't do any of the normal dog things with him, can't even take him to obedience classes. It is just Baby and me at home, lost in our own little bubble of dogdom so these stories give me hope for the future.

Can this really be my little social demon?


Making me pose with a Christmas paw stocking? This makes me feel used and abused! Can you tell from my expression?

So I am off to yoga in pursuit of my calm inner state (or whatever), and after that we are both off to T Touch to see if some relaxation can be found for the white one. Oh yeah, now I am toying with Ulysses as a name. But still calling him Baby of course. Suggestions welcome :)

A shoe, a plane, an apology

So my snowshoes didn't look quite like this. Ok, they looked nothing like this. But I wish they had. This is an Attikamek snowshoe from the early 1900's. I myself had the very efficient but ugly, plastic MSR snowshoes when I took the white one up to the pass today for a snowshoeing adventure. I prayed silently all the way there that no one else would be on the trail around the lake. My prayers were answered for the most part in that only 2 people were there and they started out far behind us so we never saw them and could proceed with no stress. I, of course, forgot my camera yet again although it's tough to see the white one amidst all that, well, whiteness. I came home with a happy, tired dog along with my happy, tired self. How can it be so much more effort to run through a few inches of loose snow than it is to run on pavement? I suspect walking will not be high on my list of priorities tomorrow. And the hot tub will be high on my list of priorities tonight.

As for Turkmenistan, try finding a flight from Seattle to Ashgabat. Not exactly a popular route. Why does every routing seem to involve a layover in Germany? It just makes going from gray, ultra-utilitarian efficiency to haphazard, chaotic second world (at best) bureaucracy that much more harsh on the senses. But this is all part of the fun. I once took a flight from Beijing to western China with my mom on an old (ancient) Tupelov plane. It took off straight up like a helicopter, landed straight down like a UFO and in between it felt like a lounge chair floating on a swimming pool, so far back did the seats go, seatbelts optional of course. I don't have high hopes for Air Turkmenistan. It leads you either into complete atheistic fatalism or devout religion depending on your leanings. If just purchasing the ticket is this hard, I can't imagine what the flight itself holds.
The logo looks very sleek huh? I'm sure that's a white dove of peace flying to Russia, all the other "stans" and Iran....

And finally, it was pointed out to me by a friend whose honesty is appreciated but hard to accept sometimes, that in an earlier post, I sounded "bitchy" regarding one of the seminars I attended for the dog. To clarify, I know all too well my limitations with all this training, behavioral stuff, dog stuff etc. It's all new to me and my only intent in what I rather ineptly conveyed was that even I could have taught the class I referred to, and I know nothing. I didn't mean to imply that everyone else was lesser than me; simply that it was a REALLY basic level that I wasn't expecting. So after I got over my sarcastic response to his criticism (which I very proudly kept to myself), I realized after reading it again that he was right and I did sound bitchy and arrogant so this is my version of an editor's note. Point duly taken and apology offered.

And Now for Something Completely Different....

My antidote to doggie stress is of course, travelling to a foreign, "slightly" exotic country so I can experience an entirely different kind of stress. I believe in diversity when it comes to being in unfamiliar situations! So this year, myself and my good friends Adrian and Dagmar, whom I have travelled to Namibia with these past two years, randomly picked Turkmenistan for our next riding adventure. Somehow (no doubt over one too many glasses of wine in the Namibian desert), we came up with Hungary and Turkmenistan as our choices. Of course Turkmenistan won out. Who wants to be coddled on some fancy European vacation when you can ride roughshod, literally, over the sands of an ancient civilization? So we quickly discarded staying in castles in Hungary, stuffing ourselves on rich European food and opted for yurts and questionable "delicacies". For all of you wondering where Turkmenistan is exactly, here you go:


Yes, Ashgabat, the capital is located quite close to Iran. I fail to see why Iran would have any vested interest in invading Turkmenistan as most of the photos I can find on-line involve large quantities of sand. Of course oil often resides below sand but I'm guessing they would have found it by now. I am not the least bit concerned about this geographical quirk. True, I was also not the least bit concerned about walking down a sandy African road into Windhoek with only my Tevas and every valuable document I had with me either. We all know how that one ended! But Dagmar is a Swiss cop who is also a black belt in karate. Adrian has the smooth, glib tongue of his Italian heritage that coincides with his dry English humor so between all of us, I think we will be fine!

The trip is 12 days and 11 nights. We will (theoretically) cover 216 km or about 130 miles. Unlike Namibia, this trip involves a lot of sightseeing and visiting historical places which will be a welcome relief from the sands of the desert. Namibia had very little to see (other than mammoth German castles rising inexplicably out of sand dunes) but the beauty of the desert more than made up for the uniformity. Here are some more photos of the various scenes of Turkmenistan.




It's only when I see the photos of places I am about to go, that it becomes reality and I can hardly wait. People ask me all the time am I not scared of going to places like this on my own. Never. The only thing I am afraid of is not living. To live in the US, travelling only to Vegas or Mexico and being stuck in the daily grind without ever challenging myself or meeting new people and experiencing new cultures is the most frightening thing I can imagine. (Although shopping at Costco comes close) This is not to say that there isn't value, satisfaction and contentment to be derived from living in a free country with almost boundless affluence, raising one's children and seeing the beauty of all the little things that happen every day. I also derive great satisfaction from these things. But at least once a year, I feel the need to step outside the familiar and have an adventure. And by the end of it all, I will have stories to tell as a result of my own haplessness, foolishness and/or carelessness!

You know I couldn't get through a posting without mentioning the white one. (TWO as my father refers to him) Minor setbacks as he has had some growly moments in the car and strangely, at my father while we were sitting at the dinner table last week. He is usually fine with my parents but my father looking directly at me was perceived as a threat to me and a low growl erupted from under the table. I still struggle with how best to deal with that. Generally I ignore it though sometimes I get up and leave the room. Being separated from me, particularly in any foreign environment, is a punishment of sorts without any aversives. I want Baby to learn that when he growls, he loses me which is something he tries to avoid at all costs. Usually he follows me which removes him from the trigger anyway. I STILL struggle with not exposing him to too much and to keeping him utterly stress free. However, I have gotten pretty good at self regulation and we are doing quite well with it. He is on an 80% raw food diet now so hopefully that will help things. That is, assuming I can keep Hudson from breaking into the styrofoam container the food came in and flinging the packets around the deck in his frustration at being unable to get them open. Monster.

I am taking a longer view of this whole thing with Baby and rather than each up and down constituting a mountain or a valley, I see it more as rolling hills now. I am amazed at how many people on my various list serves have the same issues with their Maremmas, even those they have raised from puppyhood and valiantly socialized. I am heartened though by how many people laud T Touch as helping with their fearful dogs. I am very much looking forward to our appointment on Friday. In the meantime, therapy for me in the form of skiing this week. In an effort to reclaim my life from the dog vacuum, I am trying to resume my usual winter activities. The sun of Turkmenistan shines in my head though!

Where are the horses?


I'm sure I'll look exactly like this on my horse. Minus the hat of course.

Anomie

It's been about a week since we implemented The Plan, as I now refer to it. My only goal has been to remove as much stress as possible from Baby's life. (Yes, I am back to Baby. We tried Xeno and it just didn't fit him. Thank god I have never referred to him as anything but Baby. I'm sure there is a perfect name for him out there somewhere...) The effect has been almost immediate. He is much more a real dog at home, his tail is up, he is more outgoing and interested in life and we have both breathed a huge sigh of relief, not having to worry about the situations we might end up in.

Although I have yet to pull the muzzle out as it causes a huge spike in his stress level, we have avoided any and all situations where we would need it. We go for walks very very early, very late or on a wide open grassy trail where I can see the bike, the man, the rollerblader, the dog etc. coming from a mile away. This gives us plenty of time to get WAY out of the way. When we are far enough off his trigger, he is fine. Sits for treats, ignores the trigger and continues on his merry way. We have not had a single instance of barking or growling. That behavior has also disappeared from our few car ventures as well. Do I think our problems are solved? Absolutely not. But I do think after a few months of this, it will be possible to successfully introduce one new thing at a time and have him react within reason.

I have removed all dog park visits as per The Plan. No more going to work and getting treats thrown by the guys. We still run but only on the open trails I have found and for a lesser distance. We have increased our distance drastically between scary things and us when we do come upon a potential stressor. At home, I have compensated for a decrease in exercise as a result of avoiding busy places, by giving at least one meal a day in a kong or busy buddy toy. I hide the kong somewhere in the house so he has to go sniff it down and find it. He also gets either a raw bone, a bully stick, a frozen turkey neck or a novelty treat like a quado bone. He here is with the quado which he loves:

That would be the sideways look he gives the camera which he is not always fond of, especially when he has something yummy in his mouth! All of these chewables, stuffed kongs etc. keep him occupied, working, tired mentally and physically and they give us something productive to work on. I can teach find it without stress because he is so excited about finding a treat filled kong or his purple busy buddy spaceship.

I also spend a designated block of time with him lying with me (on me!) on the sofa and he gets pets and loves which is the best I can do until I go to TTouch. I also brush him once a day as he loves this and finds it very relaxing.

Today, we were off to the rent-a-park dog park. It was a fantastic place for the boys. Fully fenced, grassy, woodsy, a small pond and plenty to investigate and explore including gazing in awe at the llama and two resident dogs on the other side of the fence. Baby couldn't even find it within him to bark at the llama, so stunned was he! With Samson, Hudson and Keila to keep Baby company, it was doggie heaven. Here I am doling out treats to all the boys. Unfortunately, Baby is obscured by me but you get the drift...positive reinforcement at its most basic!

I think we all would have been slightly more comfortable with either coffee, gloves or a heater! The ground was frozen as was the pond although the white one of course, felt the need to walk on the ice and fall through into the mud up to his elbows. He was quite a sight with his long brown socks!


Once home, we implemented the relaxation therapy which I felt would be most beneficial today given that he was tired and with my parents and Marcia present at the dog park, marginally stressed. We broke out the old DAP bandana, I put a few drops of Rescue Remedy in his water and to my dismay, the relaxing happy dog music, Through A Dog's Ear which makes me feel slightly suicidal as it sounds like a funeral dirge. He was out within 20 minutes. Do I think this stuff works - maybe with negligible results. However, just like reducing his protein intake, if there is no negative side effect, I figure it is worth it to try it in case I am totally off base. So we will make this a routine part of life for now. I ordered a DAP diffuser which I think is probably the most important of the three pronged approach. Too bad dogs don't exhibit the placebo effect!

I have also reimplemented the scent desensitization with my dad. I really think it helped as we did it for a couple weeks when I first brought Baby home. Just to reiterate in scent terms, I have put a tee shirt my dad worked out in on his bed. Poor thing, I hope he can sleep! I do believe this technique actually was very effective and next I'll move on to a guy at work once our months of de-escalation are over and see if it makes a difference once I introduce them from a distance.

I also found on line, after much research, an affordable raw diet supplier. Even better, they are in Seattle so if I can support a local business, it's an extra bonus. They are MUCH cheaper per pound than anything in the pet store and they deliver to your door for free. Awesome :) They are called Darwin's Natural Pet Food and I was impressed by their website and their dedication to healthy premium raw foods. For about $120 I can order enough food to last a month which is about how much his dry food costs me per month. It will be delivered to my door and this will allow me to feed a majority of his food as raw and be supplemented with a small amount of dry rather than vice versa. With enough on line research, you can find just about anything at vastly reduced cost to what's in the pet store.

Finally, thanks to M who sent me the links to two Maremma lists. How the heck did I miss these in all my research? Don't answer.... I signed up for both and am waiting approval for one and am approved for the other. The one I have been able to access has been enormously helpful. Another sigh of relief as I read about what other Maremma owners experience, meet people who really understand these remarkable dogs (most are, not surprisingly, in Europe and Australia/NZ), to find out that Baby is behaving like a normal Maremma most of the time and that I am less apt to put all his issues into the abuse basket. They are a very supportive group of people and for me, it is a psychological gold mine to have a group of people who understand and love these dogs instead of the norm where people ask me why I didn't just get a lab? Answer: I already have a lab! Even at 9 yo, he is a handful! Here are the lists:

http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/MaremmaSheepdog/
http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/Maremmas/

My group therapy :)

So The Plan goes forward and I can already see a difference. My desire to do everything at warp speed colored how I initially handled Baby. Now I am learning there is no hurry, it's only been 2 months and we can slow down and smell the flowers.

Respite

Despite my earlier post that I felt things were going well for Xeno and I, I believe that this was merely a small oasis in the midst of a general decline in behavior. At the request of Kathy Sdao, I made an appointment with my vet to consult with her about various issues including food balance, specifically how much protein Xeno should be getting; whether it's safe for his joints for me to run with him; and of course the most pressing question: to Prozac or not to Prozac. My vet was treated to a display of Xeno at his most stressed when he refused to even come near the front door or any door for that matter. He was more stressed than I have seen him in some time so I put him back in the car and called it quits. She offered to come outside and see him there but I declined. His stress level was through the ceiling, he did not need an exam per se as I had just gone to her with the intention of discussing these issues and my hopes were low that he would go inside and allow her to examine him. It would have required an IM sedative and I did not want to do that for a brief exam. She encouraged a lower protein diet and said that sometimes high protein can contribute to aggression. She said as long as I am feeding a premium diet so that the protein that IS there is quality, she would recommend I continue in that vein. He is currently getting Innova which is made by Evo and this was approved. She also said that exercise for fearful, stressed dogs is critical and that I needed to pick my poison. In this case, she feels it's worth the small risk of straining his joints because running is such an excellent outlet for excess stress and anxiety. Finally, after much discussion and getting history, info' and specific incidents from me, she said one of the possibilities I needed to face is euthanasia if he does not progress. I was quite stunned and did a fabulous job of not crying in the clinic. She said that while he has not bitten yet, there is a chance given his breed characteristics, background and size that he will bite at some point and it could be serious. I believe she was suggesting euthanasia as a preemptive initiative and also to cover herself for liability reasons. Kathy did not recommend euthanasia at this point but said it may be a possibility down the road. The vet told me that she would not write in his file that she recommended euthanasia as she had not yet even seen him. She also said she would recommend at least trying Prozac conservatively as we have few options at this point. However, in order to do so, for her malpractice insurance, she is required to refer me to a veterinary behaviorist in order to prescribe medication.

Had I known there was even such a thing as a veterinary behaviorist, I would have skipped the first three trainers/vets, saved myself a lot of money and headed straight to her office. Dr. Sung for a mere $420 will observe and evaluate Xeno over the course of 2 hours. Once she has completed her evaluation, she will recommend a positive reinforcement based program, possibly medications and daily living conditions that ideally will improve his ability to respond to cc and ds. We have an appointment for Feb. 7th which is the soonest I could get one. Evidently there are only 30 veterinary behaviorists in the country and I am lucky to find Dr. Sung only a few miles from my house. I left the vet's office feeling hopeless despite the referral. Everyone is so immediate in their condemnation of my boy but I see in him the capacity to learn and grow beyond his history and his breed characteristics. He is on my deck right now going wild over a tennis ball, pouncing on it, flinging it around and chasing it. That is not an LGD characteristic! It also didn't used to be a Xeno characteristic. But I thought back to what M had told me about his home before hers and she said he had chased the sheep. Hoping to capitalize on a desire to chase, I have been putting raw food in a tennis ball and we have been playing daily to get him interested in it. If I can get him to chase and retrieve a ball, it will make a huge difference in our ability to exercise him thoroughly while avoiding people and dogs.

I feel there are still about 5 various options that bear trying first. As such, I emailed G at Big Heart Rescue and M of course to advise them of the current state of things. Thank god that BHR continues to support their adoptees and adopters after the fact. G put a lot of thought and research into coming up with a plan to nip this in the bud. At their request, and one I whole heartedly agree with and which I had not thought of myself, we decided to remove as much stress from his life as possible. He will be somewhat isolated with me in the house and allowed to just "be". We will modify his diet, add back in the homeopathic remedies, cease cc and ds for now, add regular T Touch (more on that below) and in short, do everything possible to keep him away from his triggers and feeling safe and relaxed. I did not consider the effect of small amounts of stress, on a fairly regular basis and the cumulative impact they might have on him. I think this will be effective in reducing his increasing aggression. I also realize that although it was with the best of intentions, I have been pushing him outside his boundaries quite a bit. I have confused his loving going for car rides, with his being ok once he's in the car and sees men; his loving going for walks and runs with the stress it puts on him if we encounter a stranger; loving the dog park but running into too many people etc. etc. I am sure this has begun to wear on him. It is a relief for me to adopt this new plan because while I started out very relaxed with him (too stupid to know better!), I am very aware of my own stress level now that muzzles and euthanasia have entered the picture. I know he can sense my stress and he is unbelievably sensitive to me and my emotions. In this new scenario, it will be far less stressful for me as well, not to worry about running into someone, a dog on a leash, a loud noise, freezing in the street etc.

Ironically, yesterday and prior to receiving G's email, I took him for a long walk on a nature trail by a slough here. There is a paved portion as well and there were a fair number of bicyclists, runners, rollerbladers etc. He was a saint. For some reason, a man on a bike is not threatening at all. He paid them no mind. Whenever he saw a runner or stranger, he automatically sat and took treats as we have been working on. Not a growl, a bark, no freezing and no fleeing. He was completely calm and relaxed, so much so that when we encountered two leashed dogs, he again sat for a treat with no pulling or turning into his whirling dervish self. I was astounded at his behavior. He was the best behaved dog we ran across and had Hudson been there, I probably would have been ready to thrown HIM in the slough! And again, tonight I waited til it was late to take him for a walk and we ran into no one. For once in his life, he got back to our house, refused to go in and insisted on walking north up our street, the one direction he always refuses to go. So I let him walk around the blocks again and he finally decided he was good to go home. Who knew?! But I also know that it isn't always like this and that's the point. I never know when it won't be so we will go back to basics.


I contacted Lori, a much recommended T Touch practitioner here in Seattle (appropriately she lives next to Woodland Park Zoo!) I have an appointment with her on Jan. 30th but she wanted to discuss Xeno with me as I had told her I would not be bringing him. After a brief rundown of all that has transpired, to my infinite relief she was horrified that euthanasia has been suggested and based on her extensive work with feral cats and dogs, she feels we can make significant progress with Xeno. We decided I would bring him, she would observe him in her backyard and then if needed, he can sleep in the car while she teaches me on her dogs. I believe he will respond well to this as he is incredibly affectionate and touchy with me.

I bought a basket muzzle which was recommended by everyone (the only thing they all agree on!) and it came in the mail today. I took it out of the box to let him see and sniff and his reaction was instantaneous, he barked aggressively, paced, wouldn't come near me for some time even though I hid it and his entire body screamed STRESS. I can only guess that he probably did bite his abuser at one time and was forcibly muzzled. I have no doubt at all that he recognized exactly what it was and what it's used for. Needless to say, this is a huge problem. I would prefer not to use anything but the basket muzzle but even switching to a different muzzle will, I suspect, be incredibly difficult. He is going to balk at anything on his face like that. My only hope is the ease with which he adjusted to the Halti. For now, I do not want to stress him even by leaving it lying around for him to see, his reaction was that bad. Since he is in relative isolation and Lori has recommended a Halti/harness combination, my control of him is very good right now. If I walk him late enough and early enough, the few people we do run into are far enough away that I can get him out of the situation in time to avoid triggering him. Lori will also work on things that will relax me which is, as covered above, becoming important! I have also deteriorated with him in some respects. I sometimes wonder if Xeno would have been better off going to a more experienced trainer who does not fumble through as I do sometimes. If there were a more experienced trainer willing to take him, I would allow him to go through my tears. But despite my novice status as a trainer, I think it would be hard to find a home where he is happier. We spend 24/7 together most days and we are devoted to each other. Indeed, it will be hard to evaluate him in 3 months which is our proscribed time period to try out the no-stress plan. He is so happy and relaxed in the house that he appears to be a totally normal dog. I will have to take him out again in order to know if it worked because I cannot use home as a measuring stick. I will do whatever it takes to make Xeno a happy, unstressed dog. My fervent hope is that he can be that dog here with me.

Muzzle, Muzzle, Toil and Trouble!

Maudie will clearly take her chances with my unmuzzled mutt! She is able to distinguish between Xeno, who will gaze adoringly at her and run when she hisses at him - and Hudson, who will chase her down like I wish he would a tennis ball. This is her spot on the back cushion of the sofa. She is another abused rescue from the Humane Society and I got her way back in my junior year of college when my landlord banned dogs outright and only frowned upon cats. Just as with Xeno, she was scared of men to begin with, the result of having been thrown against a fireplace and used as target practice by her then owner's boyfriend. She was very shy and very attached to me. Over the years, she has emerged from her shell and now adores anyone and everyone that will stop to pet her. One down, one to go!

After our appointment last week, it has been as though Xeno understood the gravity of what was said and is determined to disprove it. In large part, I attribute his giant step forward to my finally successfully grasping all I have been reading and immersing myself in. Now that I have some confidence in the way I approach all our issues, and I have had time to practice applying the principles, it's easier for me to be the much vaunted benevolent leader. It has had a clear and unmistakable impact on Xeno. There has been no more growling or barking at all the people we have met the last 7 days. No growling in the car at seeing someone on the sidewalk. No shutting down so that I can't get through to him. My much appreciated friends at work, Eric, Darrin, Dave and Ben have been feeding him treats each night that I bring him to help with desensitization.

One of our biggest triumphs has been his learning to look to me immediately for a treat when he sees a person or hears something scary. It has been a long process to get to this point but it is solid now and has made a tremendous difference. It means he is still in his "thinking" brain and not in his limbic brain. It means he is choosing to react to his fear in an intelligent way rather than responding with his usual knee jerk panic. It means his attention is now on me which distracts him from the trigger and his ability to take the treat means he isn't growling or barking if there's food in his mouth. I am very proud of him. He continues to experiment and improve albeit in stutter steps sometimes. Some of his experiments are not successful (if I have my way!) such as the running up to men and barking in their faces. Most of his experiments move him forward a step. He learns very quickly and my new challenge is to come up with a structured plan so I am constantly working his mind. If he has to perform an action, as opposed to just a stay for example, he is much more likely to remain in his mind if a trigger is present. I tried to come up with this plan on my own and was not terribly successful. The number of things we need to work on is overwhelming. Thus we will be checking in again with our first trainer, Amanda who was of great help to me when we were having problems with Hudson accepting that he is not in fact, the king of the dog world!

In the meantime, I just purchased a muzzle today on line as I was unable to find one in the pet store. All our public appearances right now involve the Halti which enables me to control and manage him quickly and adeptly. I have avoided Marymoor Off Leash Park due to the number of people. I even left work an hour early last week to get to the park at 0600 hrs thinking no one in their right mind would be there as it was pitch black and thank god my dog is white or he'd still be there. There was no one to begin with but sure enough, as we were leaving a number of people arrived. So I gave up on that. I located a great place where you can rent 4 acres of fully fenced field for an hour for $8. It's your own personal dog park and you can bring whatever dogs you want. We have a reservation for next Wednesday morning and my parents will bring Samson, Marcia will bring Keila and Mikey will bring Kenai. We will have a private doggie party! The fields are very close to my house so it's a perfect set up for us and I suspect we will be regular customers. Eliminating Marymoor was really hard for me because it's such a great outlet for Xeno and he LOVES looking out at a wide open expanse and knowing he can run forever. This will be a welcome and safer alternative.

I have continued to walk Xeno around the neighborhood, take him to local parks and trails on leash and in general have continued with life as we knew it. I am well aware that just because he is behaving wonderfully now, doesn't mean he won't take steps backward, doesn't mean he can't still bite someone and doesn't mean I can bury my head in the sand. For work, our daily walks and our outings in the car, he will wear the Halti. I have big concerns about his reaction to wearing a muzzle and I don't want it to become a crutch for him nor do I want to teach him learned helplessness in that he learns he can react with aggression and still be "safe". So we will take a discretionary approach unless I see behaviors which cause me to change the plan.

I have been trying to impart my lack of fear of the world and the people in it to Xeno, but as time goes on, he unintentionally imbued in me the same fear of the world he has. Now I look at all the potential things that could set him off and worry if he will bite. It took me several days of realizing that the flow is now going from him to me rather than the other direction. I have finally convinced myself the world is just as it was, it's up to me to influence HIM and now that I have this down, I am far less worried that something will surprise us. I structure and manage our every visit into the real world so that I can control things. I have back up plans because I know plan A will fail at some point. I have back up plans for my back up plans! But mostly I have some experience and knowledge now so I know exactly how far away we need to be from another leashed dog (FAR) before Xeno will become a whirling dervish on the end of the leash. I know exactly what noises will bother him and which won't. He is far more afraid of quiet subtle noises than big ones like fire trucks and aid cars going by. I know how far from people we need to be before he starts shutting down. So I am back to being in the real world and trying to pull him into it with me rather than both of us being afraid of the world!

Tomorrow we go to see our much loved vet. I will discuss with her our food questions, the possibility of medications and let her meet him and do a general exam. I have a hunch she will be telling us to slim him down :) I have him down to 1.5 cups of food a day due to the number of lamb lungs, chicken strips, liver treats, frozen turkey necks, frozen bones and bully sticks the spoiled king gets. No, he doesn't get them all in a day but he gets them all fairly frequently as he loves to chew and it's a great stress reliever for him. I am constantly trying to keep him occupied, engaged, busy doing something. Next up is cutting open a tennis ball and stuffing it will treats to see if I can get him to retrieve eventually. To my surprise, if I throw a bone in the back yard, he'll leap over the benches on my deck and race to go get the bone and bring it back. However, bones are hard to fit in Chuck Its and knowing my luck I'd bean some hapless dog in the head! So we will be doing it the old fashioned way.

All in all, we have made huge steps the last week and a half and I am very proud of my baby for his irrepressible curiosity and his ability to learn and grow. I am still convinced that some of his unwanted behaviors are him simply trying out how to be a dog and not a portent for his future self forever more. I see evidence every day of him acting like a "normal" dog and I have enormous faith that he can overcome his biggest issues.

Here he is right now:

He loves to be outside no matter what but far more so at night than during the day. He will curl up there and sleep happily, like a good LGD. He knows it's at night that the predators come out and that's when he begs to go out and keep watch. I dance and make offerings to the snow gods in the hopes we will have at least one more good snow before winter is over. His joy is unbridled and he was clearly made for snow! If not, we'll have to move to a state where it does snow all winter! In the meantime, Xeno is on guard, keeping us safe.

Xenophobia

We went to see a well known, highly regarded Certified Applied Animal Behaviorist named Kathy Sdao today. Xeno cooperated fully by refusing to go through the door, sitting down as he does on our walks and freezing, and then barking and growling at Kathy as she stood outside with me. It was a highly effective display that did more than anything I could write in the bio form could. We finally got him inside and he hid behind my chair, barking and growling before finally settling.

After an in depth discussion of triggers, behaviors, his background etc. Kathy gave me a rundown of her take on Xeno. She feels that he has the potential to be a dangerous dog due to his background, genetics and size. She explains his current behavior as mostly likely a result of him being on the cusp of a mature adult. He no longer fits the profile of a helpless, juvenile victim but is starting to realize he is a mature adult and he is going to do something about the things that cause him fear. She does not believe he would be a dominant aggressive dog looking for a fight but that if he were to bite, it would be once to get away from the scary thing if he has enough triggers piled up on top of one another.

To add to the difficulty in treating him, it is extraordinarily difficult to discern what all his triggers are. For instance, on our way to meet Kathy, we stopped at a stop light and there was a tall, heavy set man standing on the sidewalk next to us. He was the epitome of "doggie hell": hat, full, flowing beard, big bulky jacket and backpack. Xeno was sitting up in the car and gazed at him with complete lack of concern. Not a peep out of him and only curiousity emanating from him. Three miles down the road and he spied a man 3 blocks away on a cell phone and he went postal. I could hardly even tell it was a guy from that distance. The point being I am often completely in the dark as to what it was that set him off. Kathy pointed out that it could be a smell or something I can't even perceive. Thus with so many triggers that are impossible to pin down, she feels (and rightly so) that it will be next to impossible for me manage his triggers to the extent that I can prevent a bite.

She also strongly felt I should no longer take him to the dog park but rather find a field somewhere and pay the land owner a small pittance to let him run for an hour on his own. This worked well for M and I have begun looking into it. We discussed talking to my vet about medications. Kathy feels that given his level of fear about the world in general, his quality of life is relatively low and while she is not a huge proponent of meds, it is worth exploring. I agree and we will make an appointment. I recently switched his food to Innova which is made by Evo but much higher in carbs and lower in protein. After a great deal of research on line, it seems that this combination is highly recommended for Maremmas. I have cut him back food wise quite a bit as he has put on more weight than I'd like and since we are working so much with treats, he only gets about a cup and a half of food a day. Again, Kathy recommended discussing the carb vs. protein issue with my vet.

We discussed continuing to try to find foods that motivate him. We discussed the benefits of taking him to work which she felt I should continue (with a muzzle), continuing to take him running (with a muzzle) etc. It was very reassuring to find that I have been correctly applying all that I have been reading and that she is as baffled by his behavior as I am. To wit, he stood growling at her, tail wagging, eyes soft and no tension in his body. She noticed his bark and growl are not "aggressive" in tone but more talkative. However, his commisure is forward and I have seen him look highly aroused and tense yet ambivalent in his body language. Kathy agreed that he is obviously extremely ambivalent about strangers, fearful but insistent they go away. We agreed there is not much to change in my current training but she advised against any classes for him in the future, feeling that he will not learn and will be too "triggered" to do anything. I agreed and will attend seminars and classes on my own as needed. We will continue to work on commands and behaviors at home with the clicker.

Kathy believes that his ability to improve is fairly limited but she also feels that he should continue to be exposed to the world and not made a hermit. This was in response to my question as to whether it would be better to just buy a house farther out on some land and allow him to live his life out there without really interacting with the world. She and I are both very realistic about his potential, the amount of work this will take and the degree to which he can tolerate normal activities. Despite my realism, I have more hope for him than I sense that Kathy does. I believe that he has shown a remarkable ability to adapt, to be curious, to learn and to perform. I do not see a dog that is so rooted in his past that he cannot move forward. Do I see him growing into a dog like Hudson? Absolutely not (thank god - two is too much!). But I believe he will go farther, faster than she thinks.

On our nightly walk today, he did beautifully. As always, just when I think all is doom and gloom, he is a saint. As a leashed dog passed us, he clearly wanted to jump, pull and bark but he instead he sat, focused on me with clicker in hand performing all that I asked him to while ignoring the dog. He was rewarded liberally with lamb lung (yummy...ugh). He has progressed so far in three months, that I absolutely refuse to give up on him nor will I ever entertain the notion of putting him down.

As we got further along in our walk, a woman passed us on the other side of the street. Normally he would just look and ignore from that distance. This time his tail was wagging frantically, he was very excited and he actually jumped up on me in his excitement. Inadvertently as I got him back in a heel, I brushed my jacket with my hand as I went for a treat and, still excited from seeing the woman, he cowered and fled from me which he has never done before. Clearly the swishing sound of my hand on my jacket terrified him. I realized quite suddenly and with great certainty that his behavior in this phase is not an increase in aggression, it's an experiment with emotion that he can't control yet and hasn't been allowed to feel before because his fear was so dominant. Now that he doesn't have to be afraid all the time, more emotion is coming to the fore. Sometimes it is all in a rush as it was in this incident: he was excited to see the woman, he jumped on my as though to do his high 10 trick because he knows people love it, his fear was primed though out of habit so when he heard my hand on my jacket, he reacted instinctively before he could realize it's me, the person he trusts and adores the most in the world. His emotions took over before he could control them and I see that happening more and more. I think Kathy's right in that as he is maturing, he is trying out these new "adult" parts of him but I disagree that they primarily take the form of aggression. I do not see aggression per se in his growling and barking. It is more like a stern voice but not a threat. This could change of course and I realize I must be prepared for that. But as of right now, I am certain that he is expressing a myriad of doggie feelings. Thus all these emotions come out as the ambivalence I see so clearly in him right now.

This phase does make it hard to train as he is entirely unpredictable right now. But we take each day at a time and just as with the shaping, as he learns self control, so do I. The fury I felt at the idiot who drove within inches of us on our walk today as we walked well off the roadway just to prove a point? had to be controlled and dispelled in a way it never had to before. Hudson would be clueless and I could get away with seething for the next 10 minutes about someone who recklessly chances hitting my dog but Xeno knows immediately if I am tense or angry. As he learns self control, I have learned not to let things anger me, even if it means I have to sing out loud to him (maybe that's why he's afraid!) as we walk away. As always, I get more from him than he does from me.

Perhaps it's this dialectic that creates such an overwhelming, indestructible bond between us. Being told today that hope for him is limited is like being told your child is autistic and may learn to cope but will never be normal and even coping is asking a lot. I realize most parents would be horrified that I compare a dog to a child but to me he is my child and he requires as much work as one. But like the parent of a special needs child, you just do what you have to do and it never occurs to you to wish you could give them back. I even had a choice in this matter and I knew what I was getting. Because Xeno does require so much more of me, I am much closer to him than I am to Hudson though I love my Boo as much as Xeno but in a much different way. I am incredibly protective of Xeno in a way I am not of Hudson because I know Hudson can handle anything, Teflon dog that he is. But Xeno and I live for each other and no anger is harder to deal with than that which comes with the thought of him being hurt, mentally or physically. The Xeno I know is playful, affectionate, adoring and polite and although others rarely see him as he is with me, that is the dog I am defending.

Ironically, in having to be Xeno's defender, I am more in my work mode while out with him than I think I am at work! I am constantly looking blocks ahead for potential triggers, people, strange objects, noise makers etc. As we walk I am searching every car parked on the street to be sure no one is inside and about to get out. I am constantly on the lookout for anything that might startle or frighten him so we can avoid it or take preemptive measures. I am far more alert now in my off time as a result of having to be his trusted defender.


What I got out of today's session is simple: I will never give Xeno up; I firmly believe he will excel beyond everyone's hopes and I will continue to train as though this is not only possible but inevitable; and I will do everything I can do to mitigate him being in a situation that will result in aggression, even if that means muzzling in certain situations. There is hope - I see it in his face every day. In a year I hope to go back to Kathy and show her a different dog for our follow up. I know she hopes for the same.

Shapes

Remind me where I live again? This is what my yard looked like for about 2 weeks. It has since melted but as of about 2 hours ago, worked itself up into another blizzard again. It will take a lot though to challenge the photo. The dogs and I miss the snow and we had a fabulous time in it. Hudson didn't think it necessary to take one step past the door to pee. Evidently the sight of all the snow made him forget that the yard is indeed, where it always has been and not on the deck. Once done with his business, he promptly turned on his dainty heels and raced back onto the sofa. Xeno (yes, I have decided for sure, once and for all, not to be swayed again, that this is his name.) had to be peeled off the deck and dragged inside every night. He made himself a nice den right in the corner next to the flower barrel in the photo and was in blissful Maremma heaven. He is completely impervious to the cold and while the snow was gone showed no interest in staying out there as he did when it looked like the midwest. Now that it is snowing again, he is standing by the door whining pathetically to go out.

But I digress...
During the snow deluge, I took Xeno to the dog park at 0700 every day after work when it was still dark and cold and crystalline with the biting wind. He would race in ecstasy through all 5 acres of the park, alone but for him and me. His every expression exuded joy as he waded through the snow drifts, skittered across the ice of the puddles and kicked up his feet, tail flowing behind him. I vow to move to a place that is rural and gets lots of snow sometime during his lifetime. His happiness is contagious.

We had no encounters with anyone during those weeks and it was a great relief for both of us I think. He has continued to sporadically growl and bark at people, far more so men then women but sometimes he does not discriminate. His body language is ambivalent. His tail will be up and wagging, his weight back in a defensive pose but his hackles will be up, his commisure working its way forward and I read marginal fear in his approach. With diligent work, I have been able to get him to look to me for a treat as soon as he sees a stranger although we still fall off the wagon every once in awhile. I have also since taught him to wear a head halter, target my hands which he is very solid on, wait reliably as long as I want him to, "find it" which is not solid and "watch me". I have also solidified heel finally which required a great deal of an itchy trigger finger waiting to click and treat, shaping him slowly back to me. Although he walks beautifully on a loose leash, I wanted to have the heel if needed.

As his "shaping" has progressed and he is taking on more of the final behaviors I am seeking, I am also being shaped. For all those that know me, I think there would be mutual agreement that I am generally moving as fast as possible, always busy, always efficient and impatient with those who aren't. My how that's changed! I have reached levels of patience I never aspired to. Just as with his shaping, though it is almost imperceptible if you look for it, over time it becomes clearer and more obvious. I discovered this when I was assigned a student to train at work. There was a time when I would have had to tie myself to my car to stop myself from taking over from them and doing things my way, read: fast, thorough and to the point. On a recent call, it took over an hour to take a statement that would have taken me 15 minutes to take. But I stood by, calmly and serenely thanking the fates that brought that big white dog into my life and taught me that all will come in good time. I'm sure my student was thanking him too!

Although I was initially skeptical of the claims in all my myriad dog books, that you will change fundamentally and grow with your dog, particularly a dog like Xeno, I have to concede that they were correct. I think it fundamentally impossible to rehabilitate a dog like him without changing yourself. So in my moments of incredible frustration and wishing for a GSD who would gaze adoringly at me waiting for my next command, I remember how much Xeno has taught me. I am far more likely to take into account what an animal has to say than a person!

Xeno is a puzzle which constantly challenges me to decode him. I got out an old lamp my grandfather made me and the bulb is bare and points directly up. This causes definite, noticeable shadows on the ceiling. I have noticed for some time that Xeno is wary of, if not terrified of, shadows, particularly those on the ceiling. I realized yesterday that it is not all shadows but is limited to a human shape that moves. I stood up and he fled to the hall way staring in terror at my moving shadow on the ceiling and wall. I can only surmise that when he was locked in the barn, it was dark and the only time he saw light was when The Guy opened the door, causing shadows to appear on the walls and ceiling and portending bad things about to happen. So I leave the light on now, with the shadows and always allowing him a place to escape to until he realizes that they do not always mean pain and fear are imminent. I suspect too, that part of his fear of M's husband and tall men in general is that they make bigger, more defined shadows and/or they look like shadows themselves as they are closer to the ceiling. I think he also does better outside where there are no shadows and they don't move menacingly and unpredictably around the walls.

Interestingly, I had my little sister through Big Brothers/Big Sisters over last week. I thought she would be little threat and he would adjust quickly as she is a child and female. Alas, I have never seen him so worked up and terrified since I have had him. As with many children (and the reason she is in the program to begin with), Hannah cannot control her movements, her behaviour or her voice. No matter how much coaching, explaining or warning I gave her, she was completely incapable of monitoring herself. To Xeno, she was a loud, totally unpredictable, scary whirling dervish. Although I thought it would be good practice for her to learn self-discipline and self-control, I am not willing to teach her that at the expense of Xeno's mental health nor do I want to set him back in all that we have worked for. Thus he will go to my parents' if Hannah comes over or we will not come to my house in the future.

Which brings me to my last "worthy of mention" episode. I attended an hour long seminar at a highly regarded training school in Seattle called Ahimsa. The seminar was called "Your 'Fraidy Dog" and I thought the more info' I soak up, the better. We were invited to bring our dog or if the class was too much, leave them at home. Needless to say, I left Xeno at home since I wasn't familiar with the setting and didn't want him to be in a bad situation or disrupt class. There were 6 people in the class. Two brought dogs. In pranced the happiest, most relaxed dogs you've ever seen. Said hello to everyone, each other, sat nicely and I stared in amazement. I asked if I was in the right class. I asked if they left their fearful dogs at home and brought their normal dogs. They all insisted their dogs were terribly fearful dogs "normally". I stifled a laugh. The class, while good, was a waste of money for me because it covered the bare basics which I have been immersed in for months. I think I could have taught the class but I understand they are teaching to the lowest common denominator and based on some of the questions that were asked, I would say that was a good way to approach it.

One of the people who brought their dog said the dog was "fearful" of people who come to the front door because he barks. Huh? Most dogs I know bark when someone comes to the front door. Training issue, not a fear issue. I began to regret not bringing Xeno and I know the instructor regretted I didn't as well because after she spoke with me, she said she would have liked to have shown the attendees what a truly fearful dog looks like. I explained that my dog is terrified of rain or water dripping onto leaves when he's outside. If there is no other sound and that is all he can hear, he freezes and is paralyzed at the sound of the "drip, drip" onto leaves. Refer to previous paragraph in which I talk about my growing patience! It took us weeks to figure out that trigger. He did it to my mom, freezing while she walked him and she finally figured it out. I now know that when he freezes on a walk, if I listen I can almost always hear the dripping water somewhere. When I broached this issue in class, one of the attendees said I should "put him down or move to Arizona". I was speechless and stared at her in horror. Fortunately a very savvy assistant instructor suggested I could desensitize him to it by turning a sprinkler on low when it hadn't been raining and work up which was an excellent suggestion and one I hadn't thought of. So we will be trying that and avoiding large seminars!

In the meantime, let it snow! It is the best psychological remedy for Xeno that I have found as yet...