The white one loves to rest his chin on something and here he is, keeping an eye on the yard while getting up close and personal with the deck stairs. Sorry for the poor quality of the photo - I have to sneak up on him and take it through the slider otherwise he will turn tail and run at the thought of that weird silver thing in my hand. Kind of like this:

That would be the hairy eyeball (as well as more poor photography on my part). Yes, I have stopped tormenting my dog and he is sleeping outside now.

One of the things I have learned and which has become my mantra for now, is that he is Just A Dog. That doesn't mean he is lesser than he used to be for me, nor that I don't still lavish attention, money and love on him. But sometimes I am lulled into a feeling that he is a fur lined human which is a frequent chastisement in all my books and research. I feel like I must keep him occupied all the time, mentally stimulated, active etc. as one would a child. I sometimes forget he is just a dog and he is happy lying around doing nothing. It reminds me I am not at his beck and call and sometimes I am too busy to open that damn doggie door he still won't go through on his own! (And no, treats, being left outside til he gathers the courage, clicker training etc. have had no effect. I think it's another time thing. And yes, I have become a well trained door [wo]man) These boundaries have made us both more confident and secure in the great food chain of dog ownership.

Another thing I've learned is that Baby is so sensitive to my every thought and feeling that if I am upset, worried, nervous about what he might do, or conversely calm, cool and collected, he immediately takes on my mood and reacts accordingly. It's really hard not to be worried when your dog is emitting a low growl at someone...especially when he is a huge white dog! This has led me back into yoga and making sure I run or exercise every day. It goes a long way towards making me calmer, more able to control my own emotions and be the benevolent leader he so desperately needs.

A view to the world from my yoga studio. Don't you feel calmer and more centered already? Me neither. It really does take the full 90 minutes to feel better. How irritating.

Most of the initial honeymoon period was fueled by my obliviousness. I was so happy to have him after so long, so enthralled with him and so blind to his behaviors that I was naively calm and settled. However, once he began his antisocial behavior, my own behavior mirrored his and round and round we went. Now I am working on breaking the cycle and making it a linear one. His mood follows mine and mine must be Buddhist in its calm compassion. That dog is like meditation and if anyone has ever tried to clear their mind of all the stuff you have to do once that meditation session is over, you know how hard it is!

A friend gave me two Cesar Millan books to read, insisting he would save my dog. I read one and was quite horrified by much of it. I will not be applying those principles to my dog. I am beginning to develop enough confidence and knowledge to put together all I have read and decide what I want to take and apply and what to discard. Cesar was discarded. Even though I don't always agree with some of what I read, I must thank all those who have sent me inspirational stories, blogs, articles etc. about impossible dogs who have either overcome their beginnings or lived full lives being "managed". It is an isolating place to be in when you can't take your dog out in any kind of public arena, can't do any of the normal dog things with him, can't even take him to obedience classes. It is just Baby and me at home, lost in our own little bubble of dogdom so these stories give me hope for the future.

Can this really be my little social demon?


Making me pose with a Christmas paw stocking? This makes me feel used and abused! Can you tell from my expression?

So I am off to yoga in pursuit of my calm inner state (or whatever), and after that we are both off to T Touch to see if some relaxation can be found for the white one. Oh yeah, now I am toying with Ulysses as a name. But still calling him Baby of course. Suggestions welcome :)