I idly ask myself as I make my way through the density of facts and chronology, why I wasn't born during this time period. I admit that everyone of a certain generation is likely to ask themselves this question, the past always viewed through the rosy film of romantic nostalgia whereas the present seems hard, metallic and not the least bit mysterious or romantic. But really. Why does it always seem like the world was still being formed in a manner of earth shaking change, discovery and forward motion back then and now we are on to the fine tuning with all the good stuff gone before?
This book makes me fantasize about selling my house, my car, (my job? I COULD probably sell it these days) and moving to the Middle East or Africa and living in utter simplicity as I have done for 3 short weeks these past two years in Namibia. I am lost in the endless cycle of life here. Endless laundry that must be washed again and again, grcoeries that must be purchased again and again, dogs that must be walked again and again and all to what end? Perhaps Lawrence saw himself walking among the Hittites again and again but it just doesn't have the ring of drudgery that my life in suburbia does. This isn't quite what I had in mind.
While I ponder my meaning and existence, those persistent responsibilities keep rearing their ugly heads and cannot be dropped quite as quickly as I would like. Thus it was off to the dog park today with the big white one. We had a growly free day at the park to my inifinite relief. Not that he won't pick it back up at a moment's notice. But I am languishing in the feeling that I should be doing some kind of constructive training with him and am not. Although an inordinate amount of reading and researching has been done and I am wallowing in information left and right, I am having a hard time separating chaff from grain and putting it into a coherent whole.
I am not actually sure that there is anything concrete I want to teach him at this time in terms of commands. M, his foster mom, did a great job with the basics. He is polite, well mannered and easy to live with. Rather, our challenges are on a day to day, rather inchoate scale of exposing him to the world, people, noises consistently enough to desensitize him. It is difficult to do more because of the very reason I was chosen to adopt him - I lead a quiet life at home and it's just me. (Alas) So the advice from the well meaning talksters on the yahoo talk group to teach targeting, work on his thresholds etc. is taken with a grain of salt. Part of me rejects some of all this constructed psychology and believes that simply living will teach him much of what he needs to know. I am blessed in that his natural curiosity is an underground geyser. Not always visible but constantly at work and bubbling up if it is thwarted. My only goal at this point is not to screw up the good work M put into him and not to make the same mistakes I did with Hudson, my black lab/great Dane rescue who has had to learn late in life, who is in charge in the big scheme of things. I wish I knew who was in charge sometimes!
Between T.E. Lawrence and Zeno, I have the big concepts and the daily grind covered. Will ever the twain meet? And where is my latest copy of The Economist anyway? I am losing IQ points by the day...
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