Resolution and Small Victories

Fate, in its own way did intervene with respect to TWO though not in the way I expected. Due to my parents' never ending support and generosity towards me and a dog they did not even adopt, my concerns for TWO's quality of life with me were removed. I can finally, with absolute resolution and no hesitation, say he will be mine until the end of his life. This has been a huge burden that I have struggled with for months and which I had to put aside whilst dealing with Hudson. But I was never free from it and I realize only now how much of an impact it made on my interactions with TWO as well as moving forward with the rest of my life re: job etc. I was somewhat paralyzed in terms of making a decision about anything else until I could decide what to do about my boy. With that obstacle removed, we are free to move on and I now know that I simply must account for him no matter what choices I make in the future.

I am oblivious to all you have gone through over me. But I am a noble beast and I will prevail!

It is remarkable how sensitive he is to my own state of mind and while I am fond of reminding myself that he is just a dog, I am coming to see that that can mean far more and far less than it does on the surface. He IS just a dog and he isn't going to spontaneously figure out he has nothing to fear from the world anymore. But since my decision about him has finally and irrevocably been made, he has relaxed in a distinct but intangible way and made small but very poignant steps forward almost as if he knows my ambivalence has been removed.

Mid-high 10. How could you resist me?

I took him to the vet a week ago or so just so she could meet him, I could ask some questions and we could check in. The first time we went last winter, he sat in the car in stark terror, refusing to get out and she never even saw him. This time, she came out and we sat in the sun in the parking lot, TWO lying next me, muzzled initially but far, far more relaxed. As I saw him become relaxed and start reverting to his usual self with me, "shaking" wiht his paw, sitting in my lap so I will scratch his butt and licking my hands, we took the muzzle off and he was comfortable enough to take treats from both the vet and I. This was a huge step forward and we left it at that. I put him in the car after that so we could end on a positive note and my vet remarked on just how far he had come since she had watched his behavior from the window last winter.

Shaking his paw. Or begging for bacon if my dad's on the other side of the camera.

This was the first of many small victories in the last weeks. As the weather has improved, I have been taking him to the off leash dog park in the mornings at 0700 after work. He is still muzzled but we have now gone at least 5 times and not once have we had any growling or barking at anyone which is unprecedented. In addition, he's been far more engaged and excited to find other dogs to play with and chase him, something he had been very aloof to for awhile. It seems he is slowly becoming more of a "real" dog. It makes me grin to see him suddenly forget his armor and see the puppy he never got to be come out for a few minutes.

This morning, at 0430, we arrived at the off leash dog park when it was barely light enough to even see. It was a beautiful dawn and the fog was still hanging over the fields. It's quite a treat to have all 5 acres of river, fields and trails to yourself and he was thrilled as I could leave the muzzle off and he cavorted around me while I chased him all over the park. Our routine and schedule is finally becoming more fixed and less overwhelming.

Although he still refuses to walk in many situations and can still easily be overcome by too much stimulation, he is FAR more able to deal with people, crowds and noises than he used to be. I am careful to give him plenty of space so he can be an observer and not a participant but the enormous progress he has made is impressive. I often forget just how far we have come until my co-workers, all of whom check in with him and his progress, tell me he barks less or doesn't bark at all now when they walk past my car, that he actually wags his tail sometimes etc.

Out of concern that he be miserable cooped up in the car at work, I have left him at home half the time the last couple weeks but he seems to prefer coming with - crying and trying to get out the garage door with me to get to the car if I appear to be leaving without him. This is not a separation anxiety issue - he is fine once he realizes I'm leaving without him but he clearly seems to prefer being with me and seeing the world so I have acquiesced for the most part.

Not all our problems have been solved - there is still an issue of what I will do with him if both my parents and I are out of town. Although he tolerates people more, he is by no means to the point where he can adapt to staying with someone else without months of preparation.

As time goes on, I have found that the most effective ways to deal with his many issues are to lay off some of all the training and focus on low key, consistent exposure to things, keeping a very simple but firm rule structure - he still must obey all his simple commands, be polite and well mannered etc. - and to allow him to move at his own pace. We haven't done T Touch for a little while, Control Unleashed, even the heavy duty cc and ds. He gets a treat if we see strangers on our walks but that is about the extent of it. As far as I can tell, the Prozac combined with a stable home and routine have contributed the most to his improvement. He definitely seems healthier and happier on a raw diet so I have kept a wholly raw, organic diet in place and all his treats fall under that category too.

And of course, the final touch: he is just a spoiled rotten, doted upon boy. Just ask my father who loads up his granddog with bacon, steak, ear rubs and endless attention!

See?