Playing Possum

So we got up this morning at 0500, only because TWO was whining and making the kind of fuss that means he needs to go outside. We did our usual morning routine - fed him (first of course), fed me, let him out, played in the back yard darkness like fools, play bowed to each other and I moaned to him that while he is sound asleep on the sofa tonight, I will be at work slaving away to pay for his raw bones and couldn't he have just let me sleep a little longer?

After I was done whining to him and him to me, I noticed that he was unusually preoccupied with something in the back yard. It couldn't be a stranger, let alone a strange man because he would have been growling or running back to me to hide behind my legs. It couldn't be the neighbor's cat because the cat takes one look at the white death and runs for dear life. Ditto for the squirrels. He was obviously really interested in whatever it was but leery about getting too close. Because he is not Lassie and didn't come running to me to tell me what he had found in English and because I was bleary eyed and half asleep and since no one seemed to be killing each other out there, I was fairly apathetic and I let this go on for a little while.

Finally my own curiosity won out and I wandered out there in my pajamas to see what poor pathetic creature he had cornered. This is what I found:

"Yes, I have one white eye and one black eye. That is how evil I am. I am also seriously pissed off about this state of affairs and if you take one step closer, that pepper spray you have in your off-camera hand isn't going to save your hide. Back off".

Did I back off? Of course not. I tried to get it to make the frozen hiss face it was wearing when I first found it, before I locked the white one in the house and grabbed the camera. Its mouth was half open, teeth bared and it was frozen in space. Kind of like a dog right before they lunge at you. By the time I returned, he had resumed this far more dovish look. For all you PETA folks out there, I did not use the pepper spray. But don't think I wouldn't have if that rabid creature had tried to bite me. Using what I have learned from TWO i.e. stay back you idiot and I won't consider you threatening, I stayed back while making gestures from a distance.

I kept TWO locked up for awhile hoping the little varmint would feel safer and leave on his own. It took an hour but he finally did meander out of the yard however he came in. I checked and double checked the yard before I let TWO back out and off he went to smell track the possum which kept him busy for awhile. Thank god he didn't push his luck. I'm not sure I could scrape together the money for an emergency vet visit for a possum bite. Note to self: if he's that riveted by something, go check it out (armed with camera and pepper spray of course!).